Junk Food For The Eyes.

I like films that are completely ludicrous. Sometimes i just want to shut off my brain and watch a film that shows me a little nudity and shit blows up. Here are 5 films that some may consider trash but i consider gold!

5. Stone Cold
Hey,anyone remember Brian Bosworth....Former Seattle Sea hawks linebacker who had a small film run. A lot of people might recognize the Boz as one of the redneck guards in the remake of The Longest Yard. I like to remember him as a bad-ass cop who gets blackmailed into infiltrating a biker gang led by Bishop from Aliens. Crazy one liners and over the top violence make this film a must.

Here is the reason to watch this film. Watch Boz kick the shit out of a biker all while rocking a Kentucky Waterfall.

4. Action Jackson

What can you say about Action Jackson other than the fact that Carl Weathers is a supreme bad-ass. Watch this movie and then try not to argue that fact that his character Dillion in Predator should have not only taken down said Predator but also have made Arnold his bitch. Another film filled with glorious 80's music and bloody sadistic violence. I love it.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!!

3. The Punisher (1989)

Anyone who knows me is aware of my fascination with the man mountain know as Dolph Lundgren.  He attended the Royal Institute Of Technology in Stockholm Sweden. He received a masters degree in chemical engineering.  He then was awarded a Full Bright scholarship to MIT. He also is a 2nd degree black belt in karate and can play a wide range of musical instruments. He can speak 6 different languages and at one time portrayed the definition of my childhood known as He-Man. I feel as though his film was marred by a hokey script and lazy writing yet he still managed to be a pretty good interpretation of The Punisher. Again more late 80's Velveeta with some crazy violence. Word of warning, be careful about what you say of Dolph.... He is smarter,tougher and better with the ladies than you. You might come home one day and find him giving the rails to your girlfriend, he then will kick your ass all while waxing poetic about cold fusion and playing his own musical score to accompany said beating.

2. Hard Target

 In my humble opinion this is not only one of Van Damme's most enjoyable films but also a great intro for John Woo into US film. Although Woo will never achieve in America what he did overseas this is still a reminder that the man has style.

1. The Perfect Weapon
Why has Jeff Speakman not had more roles. The dude has charisma and a crazy martial arts background. If he showed up in expendables 2 i would literally shit a brick. I remember this film fondly because it was when a child under 17 or 18 could get into a R rated film without an adult. Ah.... Good Times.

The 5 Films i Enjoyed The Most This Summer

5. Transformers Dark Of The Moon.

Look, is it good.... NO. If it fun... YES. The story may be trite and the acting may be sub-par but the action is fucking epic. I enjoyed the hell out of it and the fact that they FINALLY turned Optimus Prime into a full fledged bad-ass caused me to have a grin from ear to ear. So all you haters of Bay-hem shut the fuck up and just enjoy the ride... cause it's a good one.

4. Fright Night

Did i see it in 3d... no. 3d is a joke and i hope it dies soon. In Fright Nights entire 2 hr run maybe 2 mins could have been used for 3d. The film was fun and i enjoyed it quite a bit. I am a diehard fan of the original and i thought this was a good offshoot from that film. The original still owns this one but that primarily has to do with it's casting choices and my affinity for traditional effects over cgi. If you are a Doctor Who fan do yourself a favor and watch this movie. David Tennant for life.

3. Captain America

I have talked to many people who felt the film was lacking or that it was too slow. It is a period piece plain and simple and a damn fine one at that. Chris Evans proved everyone wrong and brought a strong performance to what could have been a one note role. Captain America was epic and i thought Director Joe Johnston brought some of that sparkle that he created on The Rocketeer and injected it into the film.  Since Disney now owns the Marvel film rights and they also own The Rocketeer someone give me a team up picture stat.

2. Thor And X-men First Class

OK, out of these two films Thor is the better movie. It's epic and if you are a fan of the early Jack Kirby Stan Lee era you where spider-webbing all over the theater like i was. Although the earth bound content was weak Asgard kicked all kinds of ass.
First Class was just a good Xmen film. Yes, it blows apart comic continuity but who gives a shit. Just give me a good movie and that's what Matthew Vaughn did. Buy the Blu-Ray and shut  down your fan-boy bitching and maybe we will actually get a good Wolverine movie for once.

1. Attack The Block

I have no words to describe how great this film is. As soon as you get a chance watch it. It is literally one of the best films to not only come out this summer but this year. What are you waiting for? Find this film somewhere and watch it NOW!!! Check out the trailer below.

What Happened To John Carpenter?

I was super excited when word on the street was that John Carpenter was getting back into the game and making a full fledged film and not a mini movie Ala Masters Of Horror. I mean if you grew up in the 80's John Carpenter films where a right of passage. Some of my favorite films to this day are Carpenter films. As i watched his latest film The Ward unspool in front of my eyes i began to spiral into a tailspin of suck. This guy is a genre genius and i am watching utter crap about MPD(multiple personality order.) Sorry but i expect more form the master of the genre. This is the guy who ignited the slasher film craze of the late 70's early 80's. As i sit hear and listen to my Big Trouble In Little China soundtrack i am reminded that not only was carpenter a uber talented director and writer but he also can knock the cock off a soundtrack. Sit back and behold some of the genius that is John Carpenter and pray we get a true return to form sooner rather than later.

1. They Live
This by far is my favorite film that Carpenter has ever made. It has great dialogue. A fun premise and some of the most balls out bad-ass fight scenes ever committed to celluloid. The fight between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David is fucking amazing and it gets me pumped every time i see it. Even south park copied said scene for a episode. Behold..... They Live.

Here is one of the greatest line from the film.

Big Trouble In Little China was one of the many collaborations that Carpenter did with Kurt Russell and it happens to be my favorite.

The Thing is getting some sort of prequel and it's rated pg-13. Fuck that how do you make a pg-13 film prequel that ties to Carpenter's remake. Fuck Hollywood. Yet another team up of Russell and Carpenter and let's not forget more Keith David. Some of the best special effects to this day.

That's fucked up.... Check this out.

Next we have Escape From New York. Just a great film full of synth music and 80's grim and grit.

Finally we have the film that kind of kick started shit into high gear for Carpenter. One Word...you know it.... Halloween. BTW Rob Zombie this is how you make a movie about Michael Myers.

The Darkest Hour

A film produced by the director of Nightwatch and Wanted. The energy based alien design are kinda sick. This might be a winner.

The Sitter

A lot of people are not fans of Jonah Hill. I happen to think he is quite amusing. This films reminds me of a R rated version of Adventures In Babysitting. If you are not sure what that movie is then thanks..... I now feel really old.

The Ballad Of Mike Haggar

If you are at all a fan of Final Fight stop what you are doing right now and watch this.

First Look At The New Superman

I am really digging the costume. Follow the link and check it out.
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/50679

Bane

Check out these early shots of Tom Hardy as Bane. Even though its daylight and these obviously are not Nolan approved i still think he looks badass. Follow the link and see Bane.
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/50619

Scott Adkins

Lately i have been watching a lot of dtv action films. This guy keeps popping up in quite a few and you know what.... he is actually a pretty bad-ass martial artist. Check out a few of his scenes below.


This clip is from Ninja.

Here he is in The Tournament vs Kelly Hu.

Here are some random clips of him being a total bad-ass.

And finally Michael Jai White vs Scott Adkins in Undisputed 2.

The Expendables 2

This cast is shaping up to be epic.
Stallone
Mickey Rourke
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
Randy Coutre
Terry Crews
Bruce Willis and Schwarzenegger are all confirmed to be coming back. The only one missing is Jet Li. But the new confirmed cast members are...
Van Damme (squeal)
John Travolta and Chuck Fucking Norris. Holy shit. Now we just need to wait till August 17th 2012 to see this shit go down. Yes, The Dark Knight Rises and The Avengers will be amazing but my most anticipated film of 2012 is The Expendables 2. Like a shot of adrenaline straight to your nuts! Check out the link and drool.
http://www.joblo.com/horror-movies/news/

5 More Films That Deserve Your Attention

5. Rogue
Directed by Greg Mclean who gave us Wolf Creek. We get another slice of ozplotation but this time the film is actually good. Tense and disturbing. Plus one death that i never saw coming. If you are a fan of Sam Worthington this is one of his earlier films.

4. Brick
An amazing film noir set within a high school. Joseph Gordon Levitt is on fire here as he portrays a gumshoe in the vein of a hard boiled detective. A must see.

3. The Shinjuku Incident
Jackie Chan in a very dramatic role. Nuff said.

2. Mirage Man

A realistic look at a superhero movie. Quite fascinating, the action in this film is off the wall fantastic.

1. The Revenant
Dark humor and a sharp script make this one a must see. Surprisingly we get a good performance out of Chris Wylde.

Redtails=a good looking George Lucas movie

Even though Lucas is only a producer on this project i am still surprised it looks so good.

Battleship

I don't know what the fuck to say. In the next few years we are also getting Ouija the movie as well as candy land and monopoly.

The Steampunk Bible

Huzzah
My copy of The Steampunk Bible arrived today. It's a compendium of everything from Jules Verne and H.G. Welles to Sherlock Holmes and Steamboy. If you are into retro tech and clockwork robots i definitely recommend checking it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Steampunk-Bible-Illustrated-Scientists-Literature/dp/0810989581

Avengers Artwork

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/50517
Check out these amazing Avengers art posters.

Ironclad=The Dirty Dozen and a castle siege film rolled into one.

Ironclad looks great. Too bad in did not get a wide theatrical release. It is on it's way to blu-ray shortly. Give it a try....you might like it.

Captain America

I am a comic book junkie. Ink flows through my blood. I love to see comics brought to life in other mediums. Whether it animated or live action it all fascinates me. Comics are modern myth, instead of story's of Homer or The Odyssey we have Batman and Spider man. Yes it is true that many a bad comic adaption has been done. Mostly from DC comics but Marvel has had it's fair share. I was quite impressed with Thor even though alot of my fellow nerds were not to keen on it but i felt it captured that magic that i felt reading old Jack Kirby and Stan Lee stories. So the reason i loved it was deeply personal. At a time when i was young and my family life was crumbling down around me these stories where the light in the darkness. Even though it took massive liberties with the comic it sprung from i enjoyed the hell out of X-Men First Class. I was most hopeful this summer for Captain America. It literally combines everything i love into one delicious fondue of awesome. From the WW2 setting to the eleborate USO shows and the grandiose feeling of a classic pulp adventure. The feel of a Indiana Jones film just creeps out of every pore of this film. Here are a few reasons this film works.
1. The digital effects on Chris Evans in the beginning of the film are amazing. A leap forward in digital effects. They make the man mountain he has become into a tiny 90 pound asthmatic and it works.
2. Chris Evans as Captain America is note perfect. From his aw shucks attitude to his pure determination define this version in my mind. He does not want to join the military to kill Nazis.... he wants to join because Germany is a bully and he feels as though someone needs to stand up for what is right. Amazing!!!
3. The tie in to other Marvel films is seamless. It does not stick out but it is their and for fan-boys like myself it is much appreciated.
4.The Shield. Note much to say other than wow. Also for fans of Marvel comics the shield in the movie is not made of admantiumn like its comic counterpart but of vibraniumn. I feel as though this does give a great opportunity for the intro of The Black Panther. Comic fans rejoice.
5. Hugo Weaving was great as The Red Skull. Almost everyone was solid. I would have like a little more with the Howling Commandos and Bucky but that's what sequels are for.
6. The film was amazing but what blew my mind was the 60 second teaser for The Avengers after the credits. Shots of Hawkeye and Black Widow fucking shit up. Thor with his new costume summoning lighting and throwing his hammer at someones face. Quick glimpses of Nick Fury and Bruce Banner. Tony Stark being his usual smart ass self and me loving every minute of it. May 2012 can not come fast enough.

Overall i give Captain America The First Avenger a 4.5 out of 5

Avengers Assemble

The Last Circus=Disturbing

This foreign language film looks both fascinating and fucked up at the same time. Might just be the perfect mix.

Haywire

Have to admit... this looks kind of great but looks can be deceiving. I could be digging this so much because the lead actress is kind of smoking. I kind of like a girl who can kick my ass...which isn't hard.

If you LARP or play wow or Runescape this could be up your alley.

This is the new film by Joe Lynch. Knights Of Badassdom. Their are two reason this movie will rock....
1. I love....LOVE when people make films about Larpers.
2. It's got the dink. That's right Peter Dinklage. If you do not know who he is then shame on you. (Game of Thrones, Nip/Tuck, The Station Agent, Elf. Ring any bells.)
My excitement meter is off the charts for this film.

Falling Skies

Just a quick side note. Is anybody else enjoying the hell out of Falling Skies. I'm hooked and Noah Wylie is a legitimate bad-ass on the show.

John Carter Of Mars

Love the book by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Even though this is being made by Disney it looks like it has lots of potential.

Hobo With A Shotgun

I had crazy back and forth mixed feelings on this film. For the longest time it was promised to me that it would be the ultimate end all exploitation film. It was and it wasn't. I expected something akin to Grind House but what i got was more akin to a big budget Troma film and frankly that's not a bad thing. Here are some high points...

1. The Plague

These guys are so fucking Bad-Ass they deserve their own movie. Bring on The Plague.

2. Rutger Hauer. He just owns the screen every time he pops up. Here is a example.

A fun bloody little film. I am really looking forward to what this director gives us next.

Also please check out the director Jason Eisner's short film Treevenge. You will be happy you did.

Monster Brawl

How great does this sound. Eight classic monsters fight to the death in a explosive wrestling tournament within a haunted graveyard. Plus if your a Kevin Nash fan( who isn't)  he is located dead center within this steaming pile of awesome.

Donnie Yen for the win!!!

Yet again we get a new Donnie Yen film . And yet again he kicks serious ass. Check out the trailer for Wu Xia.

The Rocketeer

Every 4th of July weekend i am 100% down for watching a patriotic film. Whether it's a Bayhem schlock-fest or the Captain America film from 1992.( By the way Marvel way to fuck up and not release Captain America on 4th of July weekend. It's not like people want to see a hero in good old red white and blue on the 4th bust up some Nazi skulls.) Instead this year i think i will revist a favorite from my childhood..... THE ROCKETEER

Here is why The Rocketeer deserves your attention.

1. Based from a fantastic pulp comic created by Dave Stevens that is on par with both Flash Gordon and Doc Savage.

2.Jennifer Connelly and Jennifer Connelly's cleavage. Her character in the film is actually loosely based on Bettie Paige.

3.Joe Johnston. If you don't know the name he is the guy directing the current Captain America film.

4.Timothy Dalton. Playing a slimy double agent for the Nazi's who wants a piece of Jennifer Connelly and her cleavage in the worst way. He is as great playing the villain here as he was in Hot Fuzz.

5. The fact that the movie crams in gangsters,Nazi's and Howard Hughes is quite possibly one of the best cases of you got your chocolate in my peanut butter i have ever seen.

Here is a quick rundown of the story itself. In 1938 Los Angeles a pilot by the name of Cliff Secord finds a package hidden by a ganster at a local airfield. The package in question is a rocket with straps that allows him to fly. Cliff then goes on to use the rocket to not only save his girl from the cluthes of evil Timothy Dalton but to save America.
Not only is it a fun pulp film, The Rocketeer has one of the coolest looks for a hero still to this day. I hope Hollywood decides to reboot this franchise and give us more high flying goodness.

Awesome!!!

Doctor Mordrid

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that i am a huge Marvel Comics Dr Strange fan. Well in 1992 we almost got a Dr Strange movie albeit a very low budget and cheesy one. Doctor Mordrid was originally developed as a vehicle for Dr Strange but somewhere along the way the rights were lost and the script re-tooled. The redeeming factor of the film is the fact that Jeffrey Combs was cast as the lead. It just makes me wonder how bad ass a Jeffrey Combs led Dr Strange film could have been.

Cable Guy With The Dragon Tattoo

This is legendary.....

                                                   

ThunderCats HOOOOO

Is anybody excited for this? I think the animation looks bland and they definitely don't give us enough Panthro. I hope to be surprised.

Eliminators

Imagine if you will a movie that teams up a Indiana Jones ripoff with a ninja. Then throw in a bad ass Man-droid along with a hot blond female scientist and her pet robot who looks like Herbie from The Fantastic Four. Now imagine they must team up to stop a mad scientist from traveling back in time to the roman empire to become a emperor himself. This is the plot to The Eliminators and when i was 8 years old i saw this for the first time on pay cable and it blew my fragile little mind. I recently re watched this film and boy howdy has it not aged well. But hey it's still fun and the Man-droid still kicks serious ass.

Van Damnit

My boys like to torment me with this clip. I own this movie and for some reason mentally blocked out this scene. Painful to watch but i did pick up a few moves.

Fright Night

I don't know about you but i am super pumped for the Fright Night remake. Here is why...

1. David Tennant. My favorite Doctor Who of all time playing Peter Vincent as a Criss Angel douche type magician.

2.Marti Noxon who has been a producer on both Buffy The Vampire Slayer(the tv show) and Angel. She wrote the screenplay.

3. Colin Farrell. I happen to like him as a actor. Watch In Bruges and tell me he is not awesome.

4. Did i mention David Tennant.

I love the original but let's be honest... this one could use a update.

Sucker Punch Take 2

Extended editions are bullshit. You expect something amazing and all you get is filler and fluff. I was hoping the extended edition of sucker punch was going to give me what i felt was sorely lacking from the theatrical cut... WRONG. The back cover of the blu-ray proudly claims that it offers 17 additional minutes of footage and that the added footage is rated R. Within those 2 hours i saw nothing  that garners a R rating. I saw more disturbing content in LOTR than in this. Here is a quick breakdown of what's new.

1. Extended dance sequence. ( not as awesome as it sounds.)
2.We get Blue and Madame Gorski signing.
3.We get some added carnage during the castle siege scene.( Sweet Pea finally pulls out that broadsword she carry's on her back.)
4. Finally we get more John Hamm as the High Roller taking Baby dolls virginity

That's it. Now the blu-ray disc looked amazing. The color saturation was perfect. 7.1 audio was a nice change of pace from the traditional 5.1 and the animated shorts are actually quite well done.

Overall score
Video=5 out of 5
Audio=5 out of 5
Movie Itself=4 out of 5
Extended Cut Hype=2 out of 5

Sucker Punch

Today the Sucker Punch Blu-Ray arrives. I liked the theatrical cut i saw a few months back but felt a little bit of a disconnect with the story. Hopefully this extended cut connects the dots.

The Monster Squad

Why do they not make films like this anymore. I remember when i first became witness to the greatness that is the monster squad i was blown away. All my favorite classic horror icons in one film. The fact that the kid actors actually spoke like real kids and cussed up a storm. The violence for a pg-13 film was kind out astounding by today's standards. The Best werewolf transformation after American Werewolf In London. The fact that the actor who plays Dracula picks up a five year old girl by the face and calls her a bitch is mind melting in what is essentially a kids film. They blow up the wolf man with dynamite and it is graphic as all hell. I miss this kind of film. Bear witness to the following examples.

                                                         

5 Films That Deserve Your Attention

5. Cemetery Man

Based from the Italian comic Dylan Dog. Funny and disturbing with just the right amount of mind blowing nudity.

4. Faust Love Of The Damned

Completely ridiculous but fun. Based on a very disturbing black and white comic. Lots of snakes popping out of weird orifices.

3. Bunny And The Bull

   Very surreal. Brought to you by the same guys who gave us The Mighty Boosch so go figure.                  

2. Flash Point    

Donnie Yen is a beast. The 10 minute fight sequence at the end of the film has to be seen to be believed.  Like a shot of adrenaline straight to the old nut sack.                  

1. Tucker And Dale VS Evil

Between the cast and the fantastic humor i was sold. Love every minute of it and can not wait till it gets released on blu-ray.

       

30 Minutes Or Less

This Might Be The Best Trailer I Have Ever Seen!!!

                                                          

Silver Hawks

I am starting to ween my offspring onto the cartoons i grew up with as a child. So far she is addicted to both Darkwing Duck and Transformers G1. Next up is my favorite of all time. SilverHawks...... Talllllly Haaawk!!!

The Addiction That Is Blu-ray

I have a addiction. It's not to drugs or alcohol. It's not even to overweight Asian chicks dressed as sailor moon. My addiction is a little round disc that make makes me squeal with delight. A few years ago i discovered the miracle that is the blu-ray disc. Eye-popping colors and crisp audio. I feel as though i have become the Hunter S. Thompson of Blu-ray and you know what.... I'm OK with that.

X-men First Class

Out of the handful of films i have seen so far this summer i have to say that First Class has them all beat. While not perfect it hit enough key notes to impress me. Spoilers Ahead so avoid if you want to know nothing.

1. I thought the relationship between Erik and Charles was perfect. I felt as though Michael Fassbender captured Magneto perfectly. The emotion that he displays during a key scene where Charles unlocks a happy memory from the dark corners of his mind is both heartbreaking and at the same time it perfectly captures the character. My favorite moments from the film are when the two characters are simply playing chess and talking.

2. I thought Kevin Bacon nailed it out of the park. He was basically a 60's era bond villain through and through. Not a lot of Sebastian Shaw from the comics but you get what you get with comic to film transfers.

3. I thought the portrayal of Beast was spot on. I love the character so i am one sided on the subject. Their is a moment in the film where he is fighting one of Shaw's henchman called Azazel and as the fight progresses we get to see beast knock the hell out of said henchman by strong arm decking him roadhouse style.

4. By far the best cameo i have ever seen in a film. Hugh Jackman is Wolverine to a T and he demonstrates this in a 10 second clip.

I loved the look and the feel of the film and look forward to the blu-ray release to revisit this world. A vast improvement over X3 and Origins.

Cars 2 Looks Like It Might Be Pixar's First Steaming Turd

Not much to say on the matter but Cars 2 Looks awful.

The Ying And Yang Of Michael Bay

A lot of hate exists for Michael Bay. Some of that is well placed but on the flip side he has also given us some pure jacked up adrenaline rides that i have to say do impress. For all haters of Mr. Bay i have just two words for you... The Rock. Yes he gave us the shit-tastic Armageddon and The Island but he also gave us The Rock. Let's go through the list.
1. Sean Connery owns in this film.
2. This is the movie that made Nick Cage a action star.( If you are not a fan of nick cage you are definitely reading the wrong post.)
3. Michael Biehn and Tony Todd.
4. One of the best car chases i ever have seen through the streets of San Fransisco.
5. Tarantino was a uncredited screenwriter on the film.
The Rock has so much going for it and yes it was Bay at the beginning of his career but he also gave us Bad Boys 1&2 which are dumb fun. Yes he has stumbled a little with the Transformers films and Pearl Harbor was a joke but i feel as though he has at least one more film like The Rock in him and i hope we get it sooner rather than later.

Film=Escapism

As human beings everyday we do tasks that crush our souls. From the job you can't stand to the wife or husband that nitpicks you to the point you feel like hitting them with a shovel and burying them in the backyard. For myself i only really have two outlets where i feel no stress and i feel truly happy. The number one greatest thing in my life is my daughter, that's plain and simple. The other thing happens to be film. Movies in general whether it's a blu-ray disc or a busted up vhs copy of evil dead 2. For those two hours i have no stress. For those two hours my problems melt away and i am solely focused on how Riggs and Murtaugh are going to solve the case. I want the fantastic and weird. I want to be entertained. I want to forget about my god damn problems for two hours and sit in a dark theater and eat overpriced popcorn and wonder how the fuck does Michael Bay get to keep making movies. Let's be honest that's the American dream and we all know that winner's get to fuck the prom queen.